The 7 habits of Highly Effective Teens
Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Author: Sean Covey

This Chapter, Habit 5 shows that people try to solve everyone’s problems before we even understand what the problem is. This habit is the key to communication because the deepest need of the human heart is to be understood. Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they are. People won’t expose their soft middles unless they feel genuine love and understanding. You can show you care by simply taking time to listen without judging and without giving advice. For a talker, take a break and spend your

time listening. People will appreciate honesty because it goes the distance. This habit explains what to do to fully understand one’s point of view.

  • Spacing Out
When someone is talking to us but we ignore him because our mind is wandering off in another galaxy.

  • Pretend Listening
We still aren’t paying much attention to the other person, but at least we pretend we are by making insightful comments.

  • Selective Listening
When we pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests us.

  • Word Listening
When we actually pay attention to what someone is saying, but we listen only to the words, not to the body language, the feelings or the true meaning behind the words.

  • Self -Centered Listening
When we see everything only from our own point of view.

  • Genuine Listening
First, listen with your eyes, heart, and ears.

"To hear what other people are really saying, you need to listen to what they are not saying".
Click on the podcast to listen to a personal story from the book to help explain this:


Habit 5 relates to me in a negative way. It reminds me of my ex boyfriends and I. We were always fighting and we never understood each other. That was because were not good listeners. We never listened to each other’s thoughts and feelings. I was the type that would space out and I was a selective listener. I usually would space out when he spoke to me and I would only pay attention to part of the conversation. He, on the other hand, was a pretending listener and was a self-centered listener. He would pretend to listen when I spoke to him and always would see everything from his point of view. Our conversations never went anywhere. They always ended up with a fight. That was why we never understood each other because we where both bad listeners.

Habit 5 relates to me: When my mother wanted me to come to America, I didn't pay any attention to what she was saying; I was in my own life . But when the day came and I found out that I was coming to America I felt completely shocked because I wasn't paying attention, spacing out. My mother told me over and over, but I refuse to and coming to America completely change my way on listening and understanding. If I was able to take back what happen that day it would had been to listen and understand what was taking place.

Habit 5 relates personal story in my life when I had a problem with myself when I was spacing out. There was a serious problem I used to have when I was younger. In school I never use to fit in and communicate with other people. Back then, I never was able to express my empathy for others and my mother was worried and figured out that I wasn't normal. Years later I have changed and step by step I build up my social skills. I have worked myself to becoming normal just like everyone. I want to be valued and respected for who I am. Making a change made a huge impact in my life. You may want to suck my dick.